Happily Never After

Today I wanted to try a new kind of post - a lifestyle post. I think I'll really like writing lifestyle posts, so I'm quite excited to give it a go.

Recently I've seen an amazing art campaign that has really made me think. The campaign is called 'Happily Never After' and has been brilliantly created by Middle Eastern artist Saint Hoax. The controversial poster series aims to give girls and women of all ages the courage and confidence to step forward and tell the authorities about their sufferings. These phenomenal posters are appropriately captioned at the bottom with the words 'When did he stop treating you like a princess?'.

This campaign shows that anyone can be a victim, even our beloved and heavily idealized Disney princesses.

This series follows a similarly themed poster set by the same artist entitled 'The Princest Diaries' this series depicts many beloved Disney Princess's kissing their own dads. They're shown with their eyes wide open in terror. Much like with 'Happily Never After' the series hopes to bring anyone suffering sexual abuse the strength to come forward and report their abuse. These posters are coupled with a shocking statistic ' 46% of minor who are raped are victims of family members'.

Both 'Happily Never After' and 'The Princest Diaries'  have really made me think about the world we live in. As a past long term sufferer of spousal domestic violence, I feel these campaigns are extremely important. Abuse comes in many forms, it's easy as a victim to believe that if you're not being physically attacked, then you aren't suffering from abuse, however that's not the case. Abuse comes in many forms whether it be emotional, psychological, sexual or physical. If you feel unsafe in any way you are a victim of abuse. Emotional/psychological abuse is one that is the hardest as a victim to identify, it's easy as a victim to convince yourself you aren't being abused. Thoughts such as 'he didn't call me fat to be mean, he was just being honest with me,' 'He isn't being controlling he just doesn't want me seeing my friends or family because they're unfair and don't like him.' can easily cloud our own judgement of a situation. Abuse doesn't have to come from a spouse, abuse can come from a parent, a friend or a family member. Abuse is never ok, you should never be made to feel like your emotions and opinions aren't valid - they are.

In my personal situation the abuse came from an ex spouse, I always felt much more like the problem than a victim; I had myself convinced it was my own fault. 'He didn't mean to bust my nose, I know he doesn't like me talking whilst he's watching Doctor Who..' These thoughts imprisoned me in an awful relationship and it took me years to break free of them. I suffered physical abuse, it was awful, having to lie for him. I wish I'd kept track of how many times I'd 'accidentally hit myself with the cupboard door' because looking back the fact that I'd protected him and lied for him seems ludicrous, why did I waste energy I didn't have protecting a 'man' who had no interest in my protection? More exhausting than the physical abuse however was the emotional abuse, the scary thing about emotional abuse is doubting yourself, doubting everything, you end up hating yourself. You spend x amount of time being made to feel unimportant, being made to feel like how you feel and who you are is less important than how your abuser want you to feel and who they want you to be. I broke free of my abuser over 4 years ago now and I still have niggling thoughts in the back of my mind, I'm quick to blame myself for other people's short comings and this is something I'll always have to work on, but  the amount of positives that have come from me freeing myself are incredible.

To know me as I am now, you would never label me 'victim' wanna know why? Because I'm not a victim, I was a victim yes, but that has never been all I am. I'm strong, I'm loud, I'm defiant, I'm motivated and dedicated, I love halloween, I like bubble baths and books (preferably with rubber ducks), I like my music loud and my coffee hot. I laugh too much and I smile like a loon. 5 years ago, this wasn't me at all. I was scared and small and alone, I didn't have a relationship with my family or friends or anyone really, it was just me. That's exactly how my abuser wanted it. Breaking free of him was terrifying, but it was the best decision I ever could have made for myself. I know who I am now, I'm Dominique Peppiatt, soon to be Dominique Thorpe, I'm a mother and a fiancee, I'm a friend, a student, a barista, a colleague, a daughter, a sister, an auntie & a god parent, I am all those things because I allowed myself to be 5 years ago when I walked away from the person who only allowed me to be one thing - a victim.

If you are suffering any form of abuse I urge you to please report it, I don't know you, but I know there is nothing you could have done to deserve being in the position you are in. YOU deserve better, YOU are worth more, YOU are more. It's not just name calling, it wasn't just  one time and your abuser is not sorry enough to justify you protecting them. You may feel alone, you may have no one to turn to but I promise you there is help available. That first step, making the choice to come forward, will be the hardest one you will take. Make that step, you deserve the life you are envisioning and you will get it.

Imagine someone you love in your exact situation, do you think they deserve it? Would you protect their attacker as quickly as you protect your own? Learn to love yourself the way you love others.

I am an ear to anyone suffering who needs a shoulder or a friend, you are not alone, not now, not tomorrow, not next week.YOU ARE NOT ALONE.